Hi, My name is Wormword and I'm a recovering academic.
I'm a bitter bitter girl.
A state I've found rather disconcerting over the past few months. I left the academy of my own accord, realizing that life inside of it was not compatible with I wanted out of life, and I'm a much happier person because of it. A funny thing happened when I left grad school: my insomnia departed, my TMJ disappeared, my frequent abdominal pain abated and I lost 20 pounds. Needless to say I'm a much healthier and happier person now.
So why the bitterness?
This tongue-in-cheek look at what's wrong with the way we train scholars in the humanities is exactly why, specifically the "I" and the "E"
The "E" makes me feel as though I have to apologize for the part-time teaching I do. I don't currently lead a tenure-track lifestyle and though I could make a full-time job of some sort work, it wouldn't be without great sacrifice, and for the "right" job those sacrifices might be worth it, but I most certainly don't want to put my family through those sacrifices for what amounts to any ol job and a little extra cash. So I teach, part-time. Because I love it and I'm good at it and though it sucks to try to cobble together a full-time living from numerous adjuncting gigs, it's rather nice part time money with low commitment and low responsibility. And it's that blasted "E" that's compelled to explain all of that--- HRUMPH!
The "I", however is what really gets my goat. This article leads me to wonder if it's the "I" that's the true source of my bitterness and frustration. Like any other cult, the PhD program I attended presented a pretty face and "forgot" to mention what it's really like on the inside. I forgot to tell you:
* We can give and take your funding at will with no notice and no explanation
* The handbook outlines university and student rights and responsibility but pay no attention to it because we can change it at will
* We will put these two monumental high-stakes tasks in your path, but then we'll act like those tasks are no big deal--merely a formality. Our required coursework will not prepare you for them, and then we'll act all shocked and affronted when you don't do well on them and send the "E" to get you as we force you to try and explain your inadequacies.
* You can't really work on the project you want to work on. We don't like it, we never liked it, but we didn't want to tell you that until after we had you firmly in our grasp.
and the list goes on and on and on......
I'm about to start a new decade in life and the real bitterness comes from the fact that I gave most of the last one to this rather pathetic institution and the elusive PhD.
Any frequent readers of this blog know that I'm working on that last requirement--the Diss--so I can finish the degree. In another testament to how screwed up the system is, a faculty member (trying to be supportive) says to me: just get something done. So many people get as far as the Diss and simply never finish that the Dean wants to know why. If it's well written and well researched they'll have to pass you so they can to put another check in the yes column.
SIGH
Grad school was an idealistic venture for me. I was one of those naive students who listened to those professors I respected when they told me: you're too good for an education degree and highschool teaching, you're too good for law school. That naivete is my own fault, but is it foolishly optimistic to expect ethical behavior from the academy? I think even the most hardened cynic would be shocked at the peverseness of the grad school system.
